You're Not Stuck in Vain

day 17 - your favorite breakup song

2011-05-27T15:28:00.002-04:00

"Poke" - Frightened Rabbit

Instead of writing about this one, I'll let you read the lyrics. Feel crushed yet? This song is painfully perfect.

Poke at my iris, why can't I cry about this?
Maybe there is something that you know that I don't?

We adopt a brand new language, communicate through pursed lips,
You try not to put on any sexy clothes or graces.

I might never catch a mouse and present it in my mouth
And make you feel you're with someone who deserves to be with you.

But there's one thing we've got going and it's the only thing worth knowing.
It's got lots to do with magnets and the pull of the moon.

Why won't our love keel over as it chokes on a bone?
We can mourn its passing and then bury it in snow.

Or should we kick its cunt in and watch as it dies from bleeding.
If you don't want to be with me just say and I will go.

Well we can change our partners this is a progressive dance,
But remember it was me who dragged you up to the sweaty floor.

Well this has been a reel
I've got shin-splints and a stitch from weed
But like a drunken night it's the best bits that are coloured in

Should look through some old photos I adored you in every one of those.
If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told that we had ever clung and tied a navy knot with arms at night
I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose.

And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated,
But I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you.

day 16 - a song you would sing at karaoke

2011-05-27T15:23:00.000-04:00

"I Feel the Earth Move" - Carole King

I love this song! It's in my range, it's upbeat, enough people know it that they're glad when it starts playing at the bar...it's a great choice. When I used to karaoke every week, this was a staple people actually asked for.

day 15 - a song that describes you

2011-05-02T02:20:00.004-04:00

"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" - U2

There are a lot of songs that describe the different aspects of my life. It depends on how I'm feeling or what project I'm working on...but the main theme seems to be that I'm still on my way to finding exactly where I belong.

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

2011-05-01T00:10:00.011-04:00

"Danger Zone" - Kenny Loggins

Yeah, I don't know why. It's just kind of awesome. The man knew what he was doing when he scored three different hits on three different movie soundtracks. Footloose, Caddyshack, Top Gun...80's movie magic. Plus, check out the Miami Vice scruff!

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

2011-04-30T15:56:00.000-04:00

"Where is the Love?" - Black Eyed Peas

Do I know all these words too? Yes I do. Did I used to blast this in my station wagon back in college? You bet your ass I did, on many a Handy Andy run. It's a pacifist anthem, even if it is The Black Eyed Peas. And you can totally dance to it!

day 12 - a song from a band you hate

2011-04-29T15:46:00.000-04:00

"He Touched Me" - The Gaither Vocal Band

I grew up hearing this being butchered in my church. To this day, I hate minor 7th chords and male harmony vocals. AND SLOW SONGS IN 3/4 TIME. I...I can't write any more about this one...let's just move on...

day 11 - a song from your favorite band

2011-04-28T21:24:00.002-04:00

"Magpie to the Morning" - Neko Case

She whispers, she wails, she blows me away. Her lyrics often don't make sense because she writes about dreams she's had, but there are enough lucid moments to make you think.

"Come on sorrow, take your own advice: 'Hide under the bed. Turn out the light.'"

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

2011-04-27T21:24:00.002-04:00

"Closing Time" - Tom Waits

The piano under the muted trumpet is absolutely perfect. Then the strings pick up the counter melody and I can only think in pictures. An older man sweeping up a diner after the bar crowd leaves...a woman gazing out over the city from her penthouse balcony...a father picking up toys in the living room, placing them on the shelf in his son's room and watching him sleep for a moment before he turns out the hallway light...

day 09 - a song that you can dance to

2011-04-26T23:03:00.002-04:00

"Ain't Too Proud to Beg" - The Temptations

Who doesn't love the iconic dance scene in The Big Chill? Man, I love Motown! Yes, this is a song about another breakup, but there's so much energy and conviction that it kind of makes it forgivable.

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

2011-04-25T23:40:00.002-04:00

During college I LOVED Bright Eyes. As I've mentioned before, I revel in lyrics. Conor Oberst is pretty much all about lyrics...I mean the man is not invested in tonal quality or breath support here. So yes, I know all these lyrics. It was a dark time in my life, during which I really connected with the raw emotion in this music.

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

2011-04-24T23:42:00.004-04:00

In high school, I once participated in a 30 hour dance marathon. My friend Matt and I, along with 30-some other students lived in the gym and danced for at least 30 of those hours. It was ridiculous and it was sweaty and it was unhealthy and it was awesome. This is the song the DJ played after our 10 minute break at the end of each hour. Those opening chords still make me feel like I have to get up and begrudgingly boogie.

day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere

2011-04-23T11:28:00.000-04:00

I listened to this album a LOT during my 8th grade class trip to Washington D.C. When I hear this particular song I'm taken back to riding in the charter bus past Gettysberg...the mist of early morning over the battlefield, my classmates asleep in the reclined seats around me.

Day 5 - a song that reminds you of someone

2011-04-22T22:44:00.004-04:00

My Nana used to sing this song to me. Of course, she would change some of the words, like calling them "gumdrop trees" instead of "cigarette trees". I have really vivid memories of writing a story called "Candyland" in the first grade, inspired by her singing this song so often. My mom still has a copy of it, complete with illustrations.

Day 4: A Song that Makes You Sad

2011-04-21T23:52:00.003-04:00

This song expresses a pain I can't put into the right words. It's about being left....and moving on to a stronger place. The process of choosing the right words to tell a person how you feel...when you know this is the last time you will ever be heard by them. It's so beautifully honest. It is a waste...and both people have to live with that after a breakup. It is bitter, but it is perfect.

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." -Edna St Vincent Millay

Day 3: A Song that Makes you Happy

2011-04-20T23:42:00.002-04:00

This song just makes everything a little better. The bouncy guitar hook in the verses...the backup vocals in the chorus...the well-placed horn and string sections...GENIUS!

Day 2: Your Least Favorite Song

2011-04-19T23:50:00.002-04:00

I loath and despise this song. Every time I hear it, something bad happens. Seriously, I have four separate instances. If you've heard me talk about this song, you've heard the stories. If you haven't, they're much better in person, so remind me to tell you.

Day 1: You Favorite Song

2011-04-18T23:04:00.004-04:00

I'm all about lyrics. This is an incredible song about human struggle and divine redemption. The stark contrast between the cut-throat life and the compassionate life is so perfectly articulated.

30 Day Song Challenge

2011-04-18T22:57:00.002-04:00

I've decided to take this on. Expect a video, or at least a Grooveshark link if I can find one.

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Like a Dog to its Vomit?

2011-03-06T13:23:00.007-05:00

Why I thought I could come back to work here is beyond me. This place drains the life out of me. Normally seeing the kids is the brightest part of my day...but today the kids in shelter are screaming and rowdy and whiny. The whole atmosphere at the shelter is just below crisis point. Everyone is on edge and no one is happy.

Last time I had regular hours here, I burned out. I hated my life; I snapped at my friends; I stopped taking care of myself; I spent a lot of time complaining but didn't take any proactive measures to improve the situation.

But I have this fierce need to be independent. So I came back in order to pay the rent. I told myself that I'd had enough time away and now I could deal with things rationally. Not true. I have learned that my job at the shelter is an abusive situation in itself.

The drama behind the front desk is sometimes worse than with the residents. We do not work together; it is very clear that everyone is out for herself. There is always gossip and complaining about the decisions others have made. Our bosses mostly ignore this behavior if they catch wind of it. Most of us work here because we have had past experience with domestic violence, and that colors the way we deal with crisis situations. This job is all about crisis situations, so it really brings out the worst in people.

When I came back regularly, I was aware that I needed to be mindful of potential burnout. Last week was rough. Stress from work spilled into my personal life in a serious, awful way. This morning I prayed that if I need to leave this job, God would make it abundantly clear. Point taken. Now Lord, make a way. I resolve to go where you send me.

Dried Up Skeleton Bones

2011-02-27T20:50:00.007-05:00

Something my pastor always emphasizes is our ability to speak life into any situation. I've been thinking more about how to do that. Why is it so much easier to speak death than to speak life? Complaining is so much easier than actively deciding to encourage those close to me. Perhaps this is because it feels more genuine to talk about the way I'm actually feeling. The trick I'm trying to learn is how to acknowledge it when I feel rundown, but then move past that stage into forgiveness and optimism. It spreads death when I dwell on the bad parts.

In the literal sense, Ezekiel spoke life over dry bones (Ezekiel 37:1-14). He spoke the Word of the Lord and they actually came back to life! Ok, historically we know that this was a metaphor for the reconciliation of Israel and Judah (read the other half of chapter 37), but the Word is living and we can still learn from it today. When God asked Ezekiel to do something completely insane, (talk to actual human bones that had been lying out the desert for freaking ever?!) he just did it. He acknowledged that God might have something up His sleeve, and he did what he was asked.

Here's another twist though: Can we speak life into our own lives? When I feel dried up and bleached out and useless...can I speak the Word of the Lord and be revived? It is so difficult to do that. But I know I feel worse when I embrace depression and stay in bed. When all I want to do is lie flat in my defeat, it perpetuates the situation to do so. How do I speak life into my own life?

Here Comes the Sun

2011-02-16T10:32:00.002-05:00

After a languishing grey winter, a few rays of sunshine make me rejoice! It never ceases to amaze me how much BETTER I feel when the weather improves. Often I don't notice how depressed I've been until the pendulum swings the other way. So today I am thankful beyond measure for the beautiful slanting golden light which melts the trenches of snow. Kurt Vonnegut said that the only proof he needed for the existence of God was music. The only proof I need for the existence of God is the redemption of spring.

A Fresh Start

2011-01-10T21:26:00.001-05:00

This year has already begun to fill with new opportunities for me, which has me thinking about how we know when we're supposed to wait and when we're supposed to move. 2010 was a super-charged jolt after a few years of languishing in a holding pattern. That seems to be par for the course for those of us post-grad 20-somethings. I know I spent a lot of time refusing to move on and honestly had to have things yanked out from under me before I would give up. But here I am, and things are going much better than I could have planned.

As I think more about it though, the frustrating experiences I went through in the last few years were integral in who I am today. Is that usually the case? Do we have to go through dark times in order to be ready for great joy? If we have no reason to accept new opportunities - if we remain comfortable in our day to day lives - perhaps we will never decide to move on. Growth is painful and uncomfortable and messy. But it is also Good.

John 12:24 (The Message)

24-25"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."

2010-06-16T03:38:00.000-04:00

"If you’re going off to war then I wish you well
But don’t be sore
If I cheer the other team
Killing people’s not my scene
I prefer to give the inhabitants a say
Before you blow their town away
I like to watch them play
I like to marvel at the random beauty of a simple village girl
Why should she be the one who’s killed?"

Belle & Sebastian
"If You Find Yourself Caught in Love

Wide awake

2010-06-05T04:53:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wake up in the very darkest part of night, and I feel an urge to pray. Often I later learn that time is correlated with a loved one going through something fierce. I am exhausted but cannot sleep tonight. You are on my mind and I can't shake you. Not in a lame, angsty teenage way...in an urgent, overwhelming way. Perhaps I can't stop whatever troubles you, but maybe I can help somehow? I see you slipping and I don't want you to hurt yourself because I genuinely care about you. I can't put this yearning into words but I feel crippled by this urgency.

You are so much more precious than you are treating yourself!

Maybe I'll never get through to you, but I beg the Lord to make himself so evident to you that you cannot deny his love for you.

2009-12-11T12:38:00.001-05:00

"We lose the ability to be useful in God's hands when we become afraid to lose the success we have achieved."

Searching for Rest in the Desert

2009-11-16T03:48:00.009-05:00

“When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, searching for rest. But when it finds none, it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ So it returns and finds that its former home is all swept and in order. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before.”
~*Luke 11:24-26

When things improve, don't let your guard down. Evil does not go quickly or quietly. It is planning the next (bigger) assault. This seems to be especially true in the weak places of our addictions. Perhaps that's because we can relate to being in the desert, searching for rest.

We could take that metaphor further and talk about mirages seen in the desert. We could consider how filthy water is appealing when one is terminally dehydrated. Or there is the fact that each step in the desert is scorching and we'd almost rather stop where we are than press on.

On going after the Turkish Delight...

2009-11-15T01:47:00.002-05:00

Reminder to self: it doesn't actually taste good.

2009-10-28T06:21:00.001-04:00

"Jesus is not for the people who have it all together, the people who are 'Fine, thank you' and don't need a thing. Jesus Christ is for those who are tired, weary of religious obligation, sick of themselves, and sick of trying (and failing) to live a good life."

~* Mike Erre, "The Jesus of Suburbia"

Starwberry Passion Awareness

2009-10-22T02:41:00.007-04:00

The most interesting thing I learned in the seventh grade was how to balance a can of Fruitopia at a forty-five degree angle.

I learned this during lunch, from my friends Debbie, Amber, Doug, and Holly. They were the coolest, because they were in 8th grade. And every day at lunch, each of us would buy a can of Fruitopia. Sometimes we varied this with Chocola or Country Time Pink Lemonade, but it was usually Frutopia's Starwberry Passion Awareness. For some reason, we didn't actually eat lunch, just drank those tasty beverages of the 90s. Sometimes Doug got tater tots and I would bum some. I can't remember why I didn't eat lunch...but it must have had something to do with the other girls not eating. Hmm...latent eating disorders?

Anyway, we would drink the first half of the can really fast. Then we would balance our cans. We would spin them in slow circles on the long cafeteria tables. (Although "cafeteria" is a stretch; the school set up tables in the gym, which also contained a stage.) Only a few times was there a spill. And when that happened, the home ec teacher, Mrs. Arnette, would grumble goodnaturedly and get us a rag to clean it up. We liked her, she laughed at our jokes.

2009-09-14T05:01:00.003-04:00

With eyelids heavy and lead-like limbs,
I swig my coffee and play The Sims.
Well no, not really, for I'm at work
where 90s PC games are not a perk.

But I can rhyme, yes, and I can dream
of a day I'll be on the day-shift team.
When I won't sleep through the noonday sun
or wash soiled blankets, which isn't fun.

Oh how I wait for that special day!
I keep believing it's on the way...
Third shift for me just builds wherewithal.
I'll soon be done with this folderol.

Here's a Yarn

2009-09-02T06:19:00.003-04:00

Today a client asked me if we had any yarn. She said her daughter needed it for something for school. Thinking this meant it was supplies for a project, I told her she could unravel a hat, and gave her one.

The child needed a belt. She's now wearing an unraveled hat as a belt.

Hardened hearts are not always bad.

2009-08-17T06:24:00.009-04:00

I am coming to terms with you not coming around
("you" in the collective sense:
any of you)
and I am beginning to be glad you have not,
as this would only lead to my regression.

Hardened hearts are not always bad.
In this case, they are provisional they
alleviate blame they are
divinely inspired, which
further muddles my views on
predestination...though it explains
"I don't know why."

On that note, I pray that more are not
added to your number daily!
I do not want any more of
"you" in the collective sense

"If it hurts, you're not doing it right."

2009-07-20T02:08:00.011-04:00

My mom used to tell this story about her college roommate, who was a vocal performance major. Apparently she used to do funny-sounding breathing exercises to increase her breath support. Well my mom was curious about what on earth her roommate was doing, so the roommate explained by teaching her how to do them.

Evidently they were harder to do than they looked (er, sounded?). So while my mom was trying to figure them out, the roommate coached encouragingly. "No no, if it hurts, you're not doing it right," she said.

Lately I've been dealing with some emotionally excruciating things. They don't really involve anyone else, except peripherally. It's between my expectations and actual reality; my plans for myself and the plans already set for me. While I'm not a Calvinist (believing all decisions have already been made for me) I do believe that God has a plan.

Today it dawned on me that it hurts so much because I've messed things up. The way I've been trying to live is terribly incongruent with the way God intends for me to live. It doesn't fit; it's not supposed to fit. And as I work through this, I remind myself that it's this way for everyone. If it hurts, we're not doing it right.

In MANY cases we personally are not responsible for the pain. We hurt so much because the world is fucked up. It's not your fault when you hurt because a loved one dies. It's not your fault when your boyfriend hits you because he feels inadequate. It's not your fault when cancer attacks your organs. It's not your fault! But it is incongruent with God's plan, and that's why it hurts.

Does it make things any better to realize the reason bad things happen? Not really. But it's not your fault, and some days that's all we've got.

Just when I think I can't take any more, something else occurs, and I learn that I am stronger than I ever wanted to be. To put it vaguely, after all that I've dealt with, I FIRMLY believe that I can get through anything. Perhaps it's a Jobian mentality, but I've found it to be true.

We will get through this, even if it's the last earthly thing we do.

Vague Absolution

2009-07-13T05:34:00.005-04:00

I am absolutely exhausted. I mean that in every sense of the word.

Maybe it's because I'm back on the graveyard shift after a week's vacation with a normal schedule. Maybe it's because I'm getting over a nasty cold. Maybe it's because my closest friends are dealing with cancer, paternal death, marital struggles, layoffs, and preschool discipline. Or maybe it's because yet again, I have failed at playing God.

No matter what I do, I cannot love enough to fix everything. Even when something works out beautifully on paper, the erratic emotions of human nature may build high walls that refuse to be torn down. I cannot tear them down with cookies, or kisses, or even frank discussion. At the end of the day, I am powerless in the face of free will.

However, I find peace in knowing that something greater is waiting. Even when our worst fears are realized, we will be taken care of. We will persevere. We will be alright.

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway."
~*Mother Teresa

Blackbird

2009-06-30T04:17:00.004-04:00

I used to babysit for two kids five days a week. Their mom worked second shift, so I fed them dinner and put them to bed most nights.

Something I remember from my own childhood is staying at my grandparents' house and having my Nana put me to bed. She always sang me a bedtime song, I think to get me to stop talking and chill, but I remember it very well. In fact, it was so formative that when she passed away I got some of the lyrics tattooed on my foot.

So for my two year old charge, I sang Blackbird. Eventually she started singing along. "Backbir, fwy...in da...night." And for her older brother, I sang some early Bright Eyes song..."close your eyes, the dark outside can't hurt you..."

Whenever Blackbird comes up on my ipod, I can't help wondering were those kids are now. Their mom got re-married and they moved God knows where. But I wonder, perhaps too nostalgically, if someday they'll hear those songs and try to figure out why they sound familiar.

more waiting

2009-06-25T03:28:00.003-04:00

Germination...growth...learning...gestation...these things take time.

2009-06-15T03:16:00.004-04:00

"Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

"Prayer is not an old woman's idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most potent instrument of action."

~* Mahatma Gandhi

Thoughts on gender socialization and romance

2009-06-11T06:22:00.003-04:00

"I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything." ~*Oscar Wilde

Why is that? Does it have to do with the way boys and girls are socialized? Girls are encouraged to be nurturing in their play (dolls, playing house, etc.) while boys are encouraged to use energy and be strong (running around, sports, competition, etc.). Does this socialization contribute to the generalization that men are disconnected and emotionally unavailable?

Has the sexual revolution led to empowerment or loss of intimacy?

2009-06-09T04:55:00.004-04:00

Check out this article:
Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships

I'm wondering what effect this will have on the divorce rate. I expect it to go down for two reasons. 1) those who marry early have a higher divorce rate and if they're not getting married, the rate decreases. However, I'm betting the breakup rate will stay constant, but 2) because of this delay to marry, the presumed same number of breakups will not be included in the divorce rate.

Quick! Someone come up with another way to measure the data before people start sending e-mail forwards claiming the sexual revolution led to fewer divorces! I'd better start writing an article for Snopes...

Revisiting Bright Eyes

2009-06-08T02:51:00.000-04:00

I seriously cannot get enough of Conor Oberst's lyrics. He's a fucking genius. Now I've said this before, usually during darker personal times, but whenever he shuffles up on my iPod, I have to take a moment to process it.

True, Oberst (particularly his project, Bright Eyes) is not the most melodic. But I argue that what he lacks in musicality he makes up for with the most perfect words I've ever heard. And with his increasing popularity (i.e. "Lua" now plays at Starbucks), he has refused to become a pop-psychologist or lilting singer/songwriter. Oberst is ever eager to explore new topics, but with the same detached attitude of Kurt Cobain post-Saturday Night Live debut. His most recent release, "Outer South" dips into southwest desert imagery as it swerves away from his previous lyrical hangups on babies in bathtubs. (I'm personally glad he leaves those ghosts to The Decemberists.)

The most interesting thing about "Outer South" is that Oberst steps away from the mic to let Mystic Vally Band-mates sing. Does this make the record more accessible? I'd say they do for his lyrics what Peter, Paul, & Mary did for Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind". But part of Oberst's appeal is his raw, ragged bleating. Will die-hard fans shy away from "Outer South", or will the album blend into his already prolific discography? Only the "arc of time" will tell.

Getting Off My Ass

2009-06-02T03:05:00.002-04:00

I just realized this weekend that I don't really have a life. I rely a lot on my friends to make me happy, and I get upset when they're too busy to hang out with me. I talked to a friend about being happy with oneself and going after one's own goals. I've been frustrated with the suspended animation I've experienced during the last year, but I'm realizing it was sort of self-imposed.

So today I requested information on grad school. The University of Indianapolis has a Master's program in Applied Sociology. The coursework will mainly concern social theory and sociological research methods. I'm considering the Community Leadership Concentration, which includes grant writing, urban/community studies, and leadership in social organizations. They also have courses on Social Welfare Policy and Services and program development. Sounds like the logical next step in my education.

I also applied to volunteer with a girls' empowerment organization. Girls' Inc. does a summer day camp for 6-14 year olds. They focus on self confidence, self defense, money management, careers, women's history, world cultures, media criticism, and healthy living. Awesome! I'm excited to participate.

2009-05-26T05:28:00.006-04:00

"The church of Jesus Christ must make nonviolence a more central dimension of its life and teaching and a central corollary of its creedal affirmation that God raised the crucified Jesus from the dead, thereby ending the case for violence as the modus operandi of God and of God’s people in the world." -Michael Gorman, Inhabiting the Cruciform God

Havin' a Shit Time

2009-05-15T02:24:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I just need some Janis. During a tough shift, nothing feels better than blasting the live version of "Try Just a Little Bit Harder" in my ipod speakers. The reckless abandon of her voice cracks through my frustration, challenging me to step up or step off. When work is shitty, it's ok for me to hate it and it's ok for me to take 6 minutes and 51 seconds to feel good.

Why is it certain songs make everything all better? Something about the raw emotion...the fact that the artist loves every second of it...that some force demanded to be released from his or her soul...it catches you up and washes over you, more powerful than your troubles. Music can be such a spiritual experience, connecting on a level far above theory or practice.

On another note, I'm learning to appreciate timing. Nobody likes waiting, but I get obsessed with it. I find myself constantly reanalyzing situations over which I have no control. I try to speed things along, which is not always best. Often, I have discovered, I need to give situations time to work themselves out. When nothing more can be done to help, there is always a reason for the wait. Something is supposed to happen which cannot happen without that time of germination.

I don't have to like waiting, but I can get through anything 6 minutes and 51 seconds at a time.

Dating Jesus

2009-05-13T03:15:00.010-04:00

My most recent literary acquisition is a book entitled Dating Jesus. NO this is not one of those terrible right-wing Christian books about "kissing dating goodbye" or anything. It's a memoir by a woman who was raised Fundamentalist and became a feminist.

I've always been fascinated by gender roles, especially within heterosexual relationships. I can't tell you how many conversations I had with the girls in my college dorm about Christian marriage, egalitarianism, and power vs. submission.

I'm looking forward to getting into this new book and further exploring Christian feminism. I'll keep you updated.

"You'd be wise to listen good."

2009-05-11T05:48:00.005-04:00

I spend so much time listening to people spill their guts. When I answer the phone at work, it's so I can listen to a woman tell me her story. When I look up from my computer, it's to listen to a client ask me for something. When I spend time with my friends, somehow they end up telling me things I didn't expect to hear. And I'm cool with listening; I'm a good listener and I understand the importance of having someone listen to you.

There are so many voices doing so much talking in the world! Everyone has an opinion, a plan, a schedule to keep. For some reason I don't have those things all the time. But I think that's ok. We can't all be rambling on and expect to be heard.

sacred heart dove

2009-05-08T04:54:00.006-04:00

I finally decided on my new tattoo. I think I've mentioned before, but I promised myself that if I made it in this job one year, I'd get another. I passed a year in April, but I've been trying to decide exactly what I want.

It's going to be a dove with a purple ribbon in its mouth and a sacred heart on its chest. Maybe flames above its head...I'm not sure. There's a lot of symbolism there already; that might be overkill. So imagine these images kinda put together, plus the ribbon.

thoughts on smoking

2009-05-05T03:40:00.008-04:00

I've always told myself I'll never buy cigarettes, and I've stuck to that. Do I bum from friends? Occasionally, every few months. But I tell myself it's ok because I smoke them like cigars, with that half-inhale cheek puffing. The smoke burns my nostrils and makes my eyes water. As I release it from my mouth, I wonder about it's strange appeal. But on some level, it tastes good...it feels good...

Then I come to work and listen to Ms. Mae cough. Deep, phlegmy coughs...medically termed "productive". Sometimes she coughs so much that she goes out to smoke so it will stop. Her aunt died of emphysema last month, and she's well aware of the foreshadowing symptoms. She keeps switching to Lights...buying patches...gum...but a week later she's back to taking smoke breaks every hour.

Not buying cigarettes is like stopping at third base. How great a difference does it make?

One Year Later

2009-04-27T04:51:00.005-04:00

I find it emotionally tumultuous to get excited about the future. I don't want to bank on anything because nothing ever turns out the way we expect it to. But something I've learned lately is that when I'm waiting, God is waiting too. There's always a good reason that what I hope for cannot happen right now. More often than not, someone involved is not ready yet. Only God knows the optimal order of events. (i.e. if I had never met Aaron, I wouldn't have met Betsy, and I would not have this job) I cannot rush anything because I cannot skip any steps in the process. I would end up in a completely different place.

Here's the other thing. If my worst fears are realized, (i.e. I never advance in my career and I wander the planet alone) then everything will be alright. Because in the big picture, it doesn't matter; God will take care of me. It's not all about what would make me the most comfortable, it's about what would do the most good. Not that I should be the martyr. No, it takes a strong woman to put others before herself. It drives me crazy, but I know I need to suck it up and serve my clients the best I can. So no matter how much shit I have to take, in the grand scheme of things, this is temporary.

It's an interesting balance to find between feminism and collectivism. If I wasn't so tired I'm sure I'd have more to say about that. Or more to pontificate about.

Shut Down

2009-04-24T02:05:00.004-04:00

Well friends, it finally happened. My neighbor password protected his wireless network. Honestly I'm surprised it took him this long to do it; I've lived here and noticed it was open for almost a year. But now I suppose it's time to say goodbye to my sneaky free-ride.

What do you think? Is logging into an open wireless connection theft? Criminal conversion? Perfectly acceptable?

Me & My Big Rig

2009-04-15T15:51:00.002-04:00

My new thing today was getting free car service. Whaaaa?! Yes that's right, friends, and I did it with very limited draw on my feminine whiles. :)

On Monday night, I was driving on 69 and everything was fine. Then it started to sound like I was driving on rumble strips, and it was raining really hard so I thought I might be. But it turned out to be something wrong with the exhaust system. I spent Tuesday driving what sounded like a rusted out pickup with an illegal muffler modification. You know the kind if you're from a rural area. *brum brum brum brrrruuuuuuummmmmm!!!" My normal response to hearing these trucks drive by is, "oh yeah, you're cool...you polluting Nazi!" Oh the irony that it was my own vehicle.

Today I took it to Indy Tire in Fishers. When I called to make the appointment I told the mechanic what I just told you, and I explained that I thought it was the exhaust system. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "well, that sounds right. Bring it in." So I did, and spent an hour sitting on a posh leather couch in their lobby, trying to block out the cheesy soap opera on the TV as I read my latest Vonnegut.

It turns out I diagnosed the problem correctly. Perhaps this had something to do with him not charging me. Or perhaps it was the fact that I'm a new customer. Or that I got an oil change as well. But the mechanic's response when I asked why I hadn't been charged for the exhaust maintenance was, "...it was easy..." and a shy smile.

Pysanky

2009-04-15T05:41:00.005-04:00

I had an awesome Easter break. Three full days at home, full of naps, dvds, cooking with my mom, finishing my taxes (not such fun), and hanging out at The Herot with Heather. Man, I needed the time off! Work has been crazy the past few weeks.

Something really fun (and terribly cultural) I did over the holiday was make Ukrainian pysanky. You use a wax batiking process to dye eggs in traditional Ukrainian patterns. This is something my mom did every year with her grandmother (Baba) and the other women in her family. We haven't done it for years because my nana was too sick, and then she passed away. But this year we got out our tools (kystkas) and got back into the habit. Here's a photo of our finished products.

Geraldine

2009-04-08T04:55:00.001-04:00

I can't get enough of this song!

"Geraldine" by Glasvegas

When your sparkle evades your soul
I'll be at your side to console
When your standing on the window ledge
I'll talk you back, back from the edge
I will turn, I will turn your tide
Be your Sheppard and your guide
When you're lost in the deep and darkest place around
May my words walk you home safe and sound
When you say that I'm no good and you feel like walking
I need to make sure you know that's just the prescription talking
When your feet decide to walk you on the wayward side
Up upon the stairs and down the downward slide
I will turn, I will turn your tide
Do all that I can to heal you inside
I will be the angel on your shoulder
My name is Geraldine, I'm your social worker

Bachata!

2009-04-06T05:54:00.009-04:00

This Friday I went to this Dominican house party on the West side. Mostly I was there to hang out with my friend/co-worker. Well, we arrive and it's just this guy and his roommates, drinking and listening to super loud Bachata music.

I've mentioned before that I'm Spanish deficient. Well these lovely Dominican men didn't speak much English. This means I have no idea what they're saying to me. My friend starts dancing with someone, and this random middle-aged balding guy decides he wants to dance with me. That's cool, I'm always up for new things, especially new cultural things. But Bachata is a dance done very close to your partner, and I don't understand that because he explained it to me in Spanish! Thankfully, my friend took me aside when she noticed I was uncomfortable. After she explained the dance steps and the attitude behind the dance, it was all good.

Except that I didn't know how to tell my dance partner that I was tired and wanted to stop. So I spent three full hours dancing! I am SO SORE!

Here's a video of Bachata:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9b6eUxFFzU&feature=PlayList&p=5AFDE7E3508B8243&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=21

"Swimming Laps"

2009-04-04T14:24:00.000-04:00

Macaroni and...nope, just macaroni

2009-04-03T05:45:00.006-04:00

My cousin, Brian, is lactose intolerant. This was fascinating to me when we were growing up. He couldn't have ice cream...milk...yogurt...it was mind blowing! In particular, I remember that he couldn't have macaroni and cheese.

During summers, Brian and I spent a lot of time at our Nana and Grampa's house. When I was about seven and he was five, one of our favorite activities was "swimming laps" in our kiddie pool. We would get the water swirling in one direction and then pull up our arms, letting the force sweep us around the pool in circles. Many happy summer afternoons were spent lathering on sunscreen and splashing in the water. And there were many stinging instances of water-up-the-nose, causing us to cough and try to convince each other we weren't crying, it was just the water.

For dinner, Nana let us eat outside at the patio table. One of my favorite meals was macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs. But Brian couldn't eat that. He had to have his mac and cheese prepared without the cheese. I was always curious about this, and once I decided I wanted mine that way too. I can't remember what Nana added to the pasta instead of cheese...I know she didn't just give us plain pasta. Maybe it was Parmesan cheese? For some reason that was better tolerated by my cousin's digestive system. It might have been ketchup...but I don't think so. Anyway, it wasn't very tasty, but I wanted to be like Brian, so I said it was delicious.

Thankfully, Nana took some macaroni out of the pot for us, but mixed the rest of it with cheese for later. She was the best.

Big Decisions

2009-04-01T06:42:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I had to make the decision to renew my lease or prepare to move. I chose to renew, which means I will be living alone and without adequate laundry facilities for the next year. But I like my neighborhood and you can't beat the price...so in the end the good outweighed the bad. It was kind of scary to nail it down though.

Work has been really stressful, and my one year anniversary here is very soon. I've been waiting for a shift change or a promotion or...something. But so far there haven't been any open doors. I am ok with my position, but I do not want to be here for another full year.

I'm doing a lot of trusting that things will change for the better, and within the next year. I hope it's sooner rather than later...

St. Catherine's, Ontario

2009-03-27T00:15:00.000-04:00

When I was about ten years old, I went with my grandparents to a funeral in Ontario. I had never been to a funeral and I had never met Great Aunt Kate, so it was a strange concept. But I packed my best silk blouse and enjoyed the drive from Detroit to St. Catherine's.

My Nana's brother, Uncle Bob, met us at the funeral home. I had never met Uncle Bob either, but he seemed nice enough. He told me he had something for me and to hold out my hand for it. He dropped two Canadian pennies into my palm. That was cool. Then he told me they were the pennies they had used to keep dead Aunt Kate's eyes closed! I had never seen a dead body before, and that sent my heart into my throat with fright! I felt sick and I'm sure I shrieked in my pre-pubescent voice, "eeeewwww!!!" Nana smacked Uncle Bob and reprimanded him for scaring me. I'm sure Bob just liked to keep kids on their toes and thought he was entertaining me...but the damage was done.

I remember sitting through the funeral, which was long and weird. I remember my eyes getting blurry with unexplained tears. I don't know if I was scared, faced with my own mortality for the first time, or just extremely empathetic. When it was over I didn't dare approach the casket.

Sometime during our time at the funeral home, my Nana ran into a woman named Shirley. Shirley had been Nana's sister's childhood best friend. They started catching up and didn't want to stop talking. So they decided we would go back to Shirley's farmhouse after they laid Aunt Kate to rest. We were supposed to "have a feed of corn".

For some reason that wording stuck with me. I'd never heard of having a feed of corn, and envisioned us gathered around a trough, jockeying for cobs! I knew Nana and Grampa were up for trying new things, but yikes! On the other hand, it might be a lot of fun.

When we arrived at Shirley's she had already started cooking. She put me in charge of husking corn, Nana and Shirley made potatoes, ham, stuffing, and rolls, and Grampa sat in the den watching hockey with Shirley's husband. Apparently they were old friends too.

When I finished with the corn, Shirley sent me to play. She got out baskets of Barbie dolls for me and talked about the horses she kept in the pasture. She said she might call her granddaughter to come out and play with me, but she never did. That was strange, but I was used to playing alone so I didn't mind.

When the feast was ready, we sidled up to the table and "had our feed." I remember everyone eating quickly...eating too much...fork-fulls of potatoes and stuffing scooped onto pieces of ham... The corn was on the cob and we added too much butter...real butter, which I had never had before. It was delicious.

When we finished and pushed our chairs back from the table, I remember going back to play with the Barbies. Nana and Shirley cleaned the kitchen together, and they seemed to be having a ball doing it. It amazed me that they could have so much fun doing chores.

When everything was clean, the adults had coffee and I had iced tea. I'm sure there was some kind of pie. At some point I changed out of my silk blouse and into travel clothes. Soon it was time for us to go.

Nana, Grampa, and I got into the car and rolled down the windows to say goodbye. Shirley was wearing a designer windbreaker to keep out the chill of the evening. Nana and Shirley talked about getting together some time in the future, and told each other what fun they'd had. Then Grampa pulled the car out of the long gravel driveway, and we waved at Shirley and her husband, who shrunk into the distance as they stood by the pasture gate.

:)

2009-03-25T16:46:00.002-04:00

Things that made me smile today:

Open windows, warm breezes, good yoga stretches, neighbors playing jazz instead of rap, having my own space, strawberry tangerine shave gel, and strange interactions at the grocery store while looking for wheat pitas.

It's just been a good day.

Collected Memories

2009-03-20T22:48:00.005-04:00

My new thing for today was to spend several hours writing about things I keep intending to write about. Here are some snippets for you.

I was in high school and I was supposed to make up an African tribal dance as part of an English project. Missy and I worked on it every day during lunch for several weeks. We would buy Kit Kat bars from The Bear student store, and we would sneak our boom box into the upper gym so we could practice. Once the home-ec teacher caught us in there, so we had to quit for a few days. We tried to tell her we were working on a school project (and both of us were honor students), but she loved enforcing the rules for their own sake. Thankfully, we got the drama teacher to write us a pass. Even though he had nothing to do with our project, that yellow slip of paper bearing his scribble sanctioned the gym corner for us just the same.

Then there was the time I showed up to babysit Aidan & Nadia and they were counting their Halloween candy. Two-year-old Nadia reached for a cinnamon disk wrapped in shiny crinkly cellophane. Terrified Nadia would choke on the candy; Chasity leaped over Aidan and slammed the butt of her hand into the cinnamon disk, shattering it into smaller, safer pieces. Both children gaped at their mother’s ninja moves and then started laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

Kat's Kitchenette

2009-03-19T22:29:00.003-04:00

I cooked dinner tonight, and it did not go as planned. It was time to clean out the pantry, so I made a box of mac and cheese and added chicken and garlic. Sadly, I had no real cheese to add, and there wasn't enough sauce. It came out kind of dry and was also quite bland. I tried to fix the problem with hot sauce, but even that family favorite fell flat. Oh well. I’ll live to cook another day. It might help to keep more ingredients on hand!

I should point out that this was nothing like the blueberry pancake escapade. That incident set off the fire alarm (which is cleverly placed above the stove) and ruined a skillet. However, this was just after I moved in, so I blame it on dust in the stove and a crappy skillet I forgot to spray with Pam.

Let's get one thing straight though: I'm a really good baker. I can cookie and cassarole you into a corner...I'm just not so good with the stovetop. We'll get there. :)

No me gusta

2009-03-18T23:55:00.000-04:00

Can I just mention how stressful it is to sit here and listen to a conversation entirely in rapid Spanish when I don't understand it? My co-worker is super fluent, and it's really cool to hear her speaking with the Hispanic clients. However, this is what I hear: "Muchachas......que pasa......barro.....muchos Americano.....marijuana......" That is all I've gotten in the past 40 minutes. That plus a headache.

And how can anyone speak that quickly?! SO QUICKLY! How can anyone think of that much to SAY in such a short TIME? WOW. When does one breathe? They've seriously been talking NONSTOP since I walked in the door at 11:00.

Here's the thing. Every ten minutes or so I get the urge to make some kind of joke about how I have no idea what's going on. "Um...no comprende...lo siento. Yo quiro burrito, amiga." OH, but how EMBARRASSING it would be if they thought I was making fun of them! Which would inevitably happen...so I won't say a word. I will continue to sit here with a sheepish grin plastered across my Gringo face.

Dan Jordan

2009-03-13T23:14:00.003-04:00

Heather Jordan is one of my oldest and closest friends. On Wednesday evening, her father Dan had a completely unprecedented massive heart attack. He suffered severe brain damage due to lack of oxygen, and had no EKG reading whatsoever. He spent 48 hours in a completely unresponsive state in the critical care until at Ball Memorial Hospital. Thankfully, that was enough time for his kids to fly home and say goodbye.

Dan passed away tonight at 9:13pm. He passed quickly once they took him off the ventilator and gave him sedation. He was surrounded by his loving family.

The family is so incredibly thankful for the outpouring of love, prayer, and support. Please continue to pray for them in the coming months as this will be a difficult and painful transition. They have their ups and downs, but are doing fair. Heather said she is overwhelmed by the generous offers of her friends, and she is so thankful for every one of them.

The viewing and public funeral will be held at Taylor University, where Dan and his wife Darlene worked. Also, three of the four children attended school there. After the public funeral, immediate family will travel to Meadville, Pennsylvania for a private burial at their family plot.

Tomorrow morning is bound to be very difficult, but Christ is good and your prayers will carry us through. For now, I leave you with an excerpt from Dan's favorite hymn. I know it holds very special significance for the Jordans, as it did for him.

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul."

"Count your blessings instead of sheep..."

2009-03-10T00:35:00.010-04:00

Lately I've been exploring the idea that contentment is the opposite of covetousness. The whole, count your blessings instead of complaining thing. "Covetousness" is such an ominous archaic word, but I can't think of a better synonym. Maybe "being jealous to the point of obsession of something someone else has".

I've never really been into possessions. Sure, I'd love a Blackberry and a What Not to Wear worthy wardrobe, but I've never been one to pine for stuff. So every time I heard a sermon or discussion about coveting, I brushed it off as not applying to me. But the other day I heard a new perspective on this and it really made me think.

Possessions aren't the only things we can covet. I realize that's a pretty basic concept, but I'd never really thought of it that way before. Being jealous of someone else's job, circle of friends, relationship status, or abilities totally counts as coveting.

Everything happens the way it does for a reason. We are where we are in life because it's where we're supposed to be. And we have what we have because that's what we need right now. One of my favorite bands, U2, puts it this way: "What you don't have you don't need it now."

Langston

2009-03-09T05:51:00.004-04:00

This morning I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Poetry Off the Shelf. The topic was poems inspired by jazz and blues, so they spent quite a while talking about Langston Hughes. Hughes mostly focused on the daily life and thoughts of blacks in 1920s Harlem. His poems tackled racism, poverty, and segregation at the very dawn of the civil rights movement. They are still powerful, and often quoted during Black History Month, or recited at protest rallies.

I'll be one of the first to tell you how groundbreaking "I, Too" was, but I also love this poem. :)

"Morning After"
by Langston Hughes

I was so sick last night I
Didn’t hardly know my mind.
So sick last night I
Didn’t know my mind.
I drunk some bad licker that
Almost made me blind.

Had a dream last night I
Thought I was in hell.
I drempt last night I
Thought I was in hell.
Woke up and looked around me—
Babe, your mouth was open like a well.

I said, Baby! Baby!
Please don’t snore so loud.
Baby! Please!
Please don’t snore so loud.
You jest a little bit o’ woman but you
Sound like a great big crowd.

Southport Antique Mall

2009-03-07T22:34:00.001-05:00

Today was Allie's birthday, and we went to the Southport Antique Mall. Oh, how we reveled among the cases of costume jewelry...the shelves of olive oil cruets and Fiesta Ware...the boxes of canceled postcards and family photos...the displays of old books and records...it was glorious!

My great find of the day was a Girl Scout Handbook from 1951. It's still in awesome condition, so I'm excited to actually read it. I was never a Girl Scout, but I've always kind of wondered why people my parents' age were so into Scouting. What's so cool about tying knots and building campfires?

art by andrew jones

2009-03-06T05:21:00.004-05:00

I think this is really beautiful...

Billing

2009-03-05T01:23:00.001-05:00

This morning I learned how to do billing. Since we're a nonprofit, we rely on other people's money to keep our shelter running. Apparently the township trustees give us money to pay for our residents' room and board, and this money is based on how many days they've been here. So it's now part of my job to verify the number of days, the number of children the client has with her, and which township she used to live in. Then I send out bills. I'm sure the novelty will wear off and I'll get sick to death of billing, but for now it's a nice change of pace.

Anti-Salad-a-Rama

2009-03-04T03:22:00.004-05:00

In my women's group this week I realized something important. These women are gritty! They’ve been through divorces, their children’s serious illnesses, and all kinds of issues with their parents. This is exactly the opposite of Salad-a-Rama.

Today one of our members was served divorce papers. She and her husband have been separated for several months because he was abusive. Three weeks ago she asked him to leave because she discovered he’d been having an affair. He promptly moved in with his girlfriend. Now he’s taken her car, her son’s car, and is refusing to pay the utilities on their house. She’s in serious jeopardy of having her electricity turned off. She said she’s been drinking wine by the bottle and listening to hard 1970s rock turned up a high as her stereo will go. I can really relate!

When Aaron left me, we weren’t married or even really living together. But I had a few breakdowns. I drank so much, and I listened to emotional train wreck music like it was my job. I screamed…I wept…I lay in bed. I really hurt in ways I didn’t remember I could.

I’d been through breakups before, even a VERY nasty one right at the beginning of college. It was the incendiary end of an abusive relationship and I had cut off most of my support systems. I don’t want to get into it right now, but suffice it to say, that was absolutely the worst time in my life, hands down no question. But it was formative, and I am who I am because I survived it.

But the difference between that time and with Aaron was that with Aaron I knew we weren’t supposed to be together anymore. With the other I was young and naïve. I thought he was the only person in the world for me, which meant I had to settle. I THANK GOD that wasn’t true! And I know it wasn’t Aaron either, I was just more willing to accept it by that point in my life.

I believe that there is someone I have always been meant to be with. And honestly, there are much bigger things to worry about than obsessing over it. It’s been a long road, but I’ve finally been able to give it over to God. He’s got it all worked out.

Anyway, I was very surprised that these white suburban women understood this pain, and could lift up and relate to this woman just as well as I could. I was so thankful for…and mystified by… the lack of polite pat answers. We’re far from that Land of Salad-a-Rama, and I’m happy to lay down my fork.

Yoga Triumph

2009-03-02T14:33:00.002-05:00

Today I was able to get through a whole sun salutation yoga workout. Looks pretty easy, right? Totally not. It's hard to hold those poses and switch between them over and over. One repetition of the sun sequence takes about two minutes. A full workout takes you through the steps about ten times, and with each rep your muscles get more tired so it gets more difficult. But today I did it!

I also dug out some old CDs and uploaded them to my iPod. I forgot how much I love Jennifer Knapp! Third Eye Blind, Meredith Brooks, and The Cranberries also made reappearances. Ah, 90's pop-rock. :)

Plus I'm sticking to my Lenten Facebook fast.

Another Friday Night in Indy

2009-02-28T01:41:00.010-05:00

Jenn and John stayed with me this weekend. We all went to school together in the HC, and they now live in Lansing. It's always so great to see them, especially because we only get to hang out every few months. This weekend was the first time they were able to come to Indy and see where I live now, so it was pretty exciting.

As it was Friday night, we decided to go out. We had dinner downtown at Houlihans, which was super tasty. Then we decided where to go for some drinks. Normally I go to bars for the music, and my favorites are The Chatterbox and The Slippery Noodle. Both of these are jazz/blues venues, and my friends are totally not into that. They like to dance, which is cool, I just don't really do that. As I had no other Indy bar experience, we got online and searched for a dance club that didn't look too shady or skanky.

Therapy seemed to be the best choice, so we drove off to find it. And we got lost. We ended up in the ghetto...which looked like 19th century Dickensian London. Dirty, poorly lit, lots of broken fencing, and random dumpsters languishing in dead-end streets. Wow. Thankfully, it was shitty weather, so no one was out, and we eventually found our way back downtown.

Discouraged, we decided to check out Deano's Vino, which is a wine bar I'd heard about from another friend. There we found a group of middle aged white folks watching a bad bluegrass band. BAD bluegrass. That was not our idea of a good time. We ended up at Chatham Tap with a bunch of pub-loving soccer fans, which seemed awesome at that point. :)

All in all, it was an interesting adventure, which made it a pretty good time. Nothing a Hoegaarden draught didn't fix! :)

Flautas & Sexy Jesus

2009-02-26T23:08:00.009-05:00

In the past two days, I have only spent one hour total on Facebook. :)

This evening I checked out Tijuana Flats with Rach and Kiel. This Tex-Mex eatery is festooned with crazy pinatas and covered in cartoon murals, all in wild fiesta colors! Ay yi yi! The food's not bad either.

An insurance meeting required me to go back to work at 10am today. I get off work at 7am. So I spent those three hours cleaning my apartment and watching Hamlet 2. I'm sure it would have been something I was crazy about in high school. All about this theatre teacher whose program gets cut, so he writes this controversial play to try to save it. It was funny...not hilarious...intentionally off-color...very dark humor...boarderline blasphemous...and pretty predictable. I doubt I'll watch it again, but I might if it was with a group of people. I'm curious to hear other reactions to it.

Facebook Fasting

2009-02-25T14:14:00.002-05:00

Last year I didn't celebrate Lent by giving anything up. The year before last I gave up meat. It was tough, but not that far fetched. I've been a mild vegetarian off and on since high school, so I basically just quit chicken for a few months. This year I have an illustrious goal, but I don't know how realistic it is.

I need to get the hell off Facebook. I waste WAY too much time checking the profiles of people I don't even talk to regularly. All those applications too...I don't need to tell the world exactly what I'm reading/listening to/interested in on a daily basis. I don't need to collect tiny pictures of personified flowers, screenshots with superimposed quotable movie lines, or meaningless quiz results you can only see if you "invite 25 people". I need to unplug! I can feel my brain atrophying. I spend a lot of time Facebooking at work. Yes, I do have a lot of downtime, but I'm certain I could be doing something much more interesting and productive.

Realistically, I can't give it up altogether. Several people communicate with me only via Facebook. It's an easy way to send a quick note to friends or share links. But I'm cutting back. I will only check it once a day, and then I will log out! I will check my messages and that is it. Man, I hope I can do it.

Real Age

2009-02-20T04:34:00.003-05:00

Today I took the Real Age Test. They say I have the body of a 30 year old, which is 6 years longer than I've been alive. Why? I had a stressful year, I need to floss more often, I need to take vitamins, and I need to exercise more often. They say yoga doesn't count. Um, excuse me, have you tried it? It can be a super tough workout! All the stretching and bending and doing all the poses over and over...man. Apparently I should also get a dog and get married, because people who have these relationships are supposed to be happier and live longer.

Well, I can take vitamins and floss. :)

"Above the Bones" by Mishka

2009-02-19T09:34:00.000-05:00

I've had this song playing on repeat for a good three hours. The stripped down reggae sound blends so well with the peacefuly lyrics. I LOVE IT! Hope you enjoy it as much as I am.

"Above the Bones" by Mishka

Oh let us rise
Above the bones
Let us remember the memories

Filled with compassion
Not scarred by hunger
No not blinded by the ashes of the past

My eyes have not seen it
yet it in my soul I know
No conception is hidden
Let there be love

I wanna go home
Take me home
I've got to go home
Take me home

And we gonna rise yeah
High above the flames
Our hearts open as the endless sky
No more deception
No more shame
Just a reflection of the natural high

Ah do you remember that melody
Ah oh yeah do you remember that song so free
Yeah I wanna go home
Take me home
I've got to go home
Take me home

Oh let us rise
Above the bones
Let us remember the memories
No more afraid
No more alone
Let our spirits fly so free

In my arms a little child wrapped tight in prayer
Safe from harm oh yeah
Ever guided by Jah Jah fire

I wanna go home
Take me home
I've got to go home
Take me home
I wanna go home
Take me home
Got to go home

Inevitably

2009-02-18T01:13:00.001-05:00

I found out he has a new girlfriend. This news upset me! He's supposed to wallow in sadness and remember that he gave up the best thing that ever happened to him. I just feel like this isn't fair. First he dumps me because he "wants to be single" and then 7 months later he's with some other chick. But whatever. I'm really alright. All I'm going to say is that the reason he started dating someone first is because I'm not settling again. It's not worth it.

There's no way I want to be one of those bitter women who doesn't forgive and move on. Yes, he hurt me. But I made some decisions that weren't very smart too. It doesn't matter whose fault it was, it was a long time ago. There's no point in dwelling on it, because they only thing that accomplishes is putting me in a bad mood. I'm better than that, and God is bigger than that, and life is too short for that.

Do-it-Yourself 90s Prom Hair

2009-02-17T04:08:00.001-05:00

Today I decided to break out the bobby pins and have sweet looking hair. It turned out similar to this.

I proudly displayed this 'do with jeans and a hoodie. :)

Thrifting in paradise

2009-02-16T11:26:00.004-05:00

Today Jenn and I did one of my favorite things. We scavenged for treasures in Goodwill. I love exploring the shelves of books and dishes, the racks of shoes and jackets, the displays of cassette tapes and costume jewelry. There's always something you've never heard of or something you never thought you'd see again. I like wondering who owned these throwaway items and how they used them. Occasionally I find old photos tucked into record album covers or penciled notes in the margins of yellowing textbooks. Those are always the greatest finds because they give you a better picture of the previous owners.

We came away with some great stuff today. I found a mug with the old Denny's logo on it, a decent copy of Coldplay's "Parachutes" CD, and a book called "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories". Jenn discovered a few dishes to replace some Corningware that got broken in her recent move. However, the most fun was seeing ridiculous 80s prom dresses and ugly mustard colored lamps! I can spend hours thrifting. :)

<3

2009-02-14T13:46:00.005-05:00

I do not feel like writing about Valentine's Day today. It would be the obligatory topic...but I have nothing to say about it. I don't feel like hashing out how terrible my past Feb. 14th's have been. I don't feel like whining about being alone. I don't feel like wondering what my ex is doing. And I don't know how many anti-greeting card company pieces I've read. The world does not need another bitter tirade. So I will say only this: I love my friends and family. They are invaluable to me and I am so blessed and thankful to have them! They've gotten me through innumerable tough times and we've also had ridiculous fun together. So thank you, my loves.

Fruit Leather

2009-02-13T01:51:00.005-05:00

Today I learned about and tried "fruit leather". It's similar to dehydrated fruit, such as raisins, prunes, craisins, dried apricots, etc. The difference is that it's processed to be in the shape of a Fruit Roll-up.

I tried Stretch Island Fruit Co.'s Autumn Apple flavor. It had a very concentrated taste, kind of like reconstituted apple juice. The texture was similar to real leather (tough and chewy). After eating it, I felt surprisingly energized! But as I've stated before, I hate apple juice, so I won't try this flavor again. Perhaps another kind. Strawberry Pomegranate Sunshine sounds interesting.

Veggie Burgers

2009-02-12T03:23:00.008-05:00

Today I finally made it to The Abbey. Every time I try to go there, it's closed. But today our schedules coincided! I ordered something called Maureen's Not So Moo Burger, which is a veggie burger named after what I assume is a Rent reference. Not gonna lie, I got it because of the name. But it was also delicious.

I've had some nasty veggie burgers, believe me. I was a vegetarian for a while in college, and during that time I also traveled to England. The worst veggie burger I ever ate was at a pub in Oxford. It was basically a hashbrown cake with peas and carrots in it. Ew.

Anyway, the Not So Moo was much better. No potatos in sight! It came with vegan mayo. What on earth would you make vegan mayo out of? Mayo is basically just egg whites... According to FatFreeVegan.com, it's mostly made from tofu. They do love the great and powerful soy bean.

"Last night I had a dream."

2009-02-11T02:56:00.011-05:00

That infamous first line has begun tales of both hope and dread. Thankfully, this is the start of neither. This is just what happened.

I used to have mildly prophetic dreams. It was during a really rough time in my life. I was dealing with the crumbling of a controlling relationship, moving out on my own for the first time, starting college, struggling in my faith, and being isolated from the friends I grew up with. Somehow all this trouble led to weird spiritual dreams.

Last night I had another one of these dreams. He was there, and he put his arm around me. He said, "Not now, babe." And then he was gone. I was with my friends, and I knew he was coming back. But I also knew that he needed to be somewhere else right then. There was something much more important which needed to be dealt with, and I understood perfectly.

He wasn't my ex. I don't know who he was, but that's not the point.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~*Joseph Campbell

Good Will Hunting

2009-02-10T04:38:00.004-05:00

Today I watched Good Will Hunting. I hadn't seen this movie, because when it came out I was about 12 years old. I knew about the plot though: genius janitor doesn't want to live up to his potential. Keeps people at arms length because of childhood abuse. Learns about himself, falls in love, and breaks down the emotional walls. But the soundtrack (Elliott Smith!) and the cinematography were grand! The acting was stellar (thank you Minnie Driver, Ben Affleck, Robin Williams, and Matt Damon).

I was really hoping The 30-second Bunnies had done a spoof of this film. Sadly, they have not. But enjoy their version of Napoleon Dynamite!

Fell off the wagon

2009-02-09T05:20:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie: I haven't been keeping my resolutions. For a while I was actually doing my new thing a day and writing about several of them a few days later. But then I got sick one weekend and it was all downhill from there. Without the drive to write about it, I spent the last few days not really doing anything cool. Sad! Let's change that. I'm boring myself here.

Picking out my own china pattern

2009-02-05T22:05:00.010-05:00

Tonight at church the talk was about singleness. I rolled my eyes, but really I was glad for the topic. David discussed the merits of being single and talked about how it was a gift to be single. That was a laugh for me! A gift? This single period in my 20s has been the hardest in my life! I hardly think of this as a gift.

As I started to think about this crazy idea, I made a mental list of ways singleness could be a gift.

I can do whatever I please without having to check in with (or worry about the opinion of) anyone else.
I can pick up and leave for the weekend without having to coordinate with anyone else.
I don't have someone else's baggage or debt to deal with.
No fighting over hurt feelings.
No DTR's (defining the relationship).
There isn't someone pressuring me to be best friends with their family.
I can focus on dealing with (and hopefully getting rid of!) my own baggage.
Plenty of time to figure out what I want to do with my life!

So I suppose being single is a gift, of sorts. I do miss having a date to events, and I miss always having a best friend to do everything with...but I'm gonna be ok. Not in that crazy "let's do this for the rest of my life!" way...but for now, I am happy to be single. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Leaving it at work

2009-02-04T03:36:00.008-05:00

When I got home from work this morning, I was really feeling low. I hear terrible stories every day. I'm a professional so I've developed a way to compartmentalize and not let these stories interfere with my personal life. But every once in a while, something hits me that I just can't shake. Today that happened.

I was on the phone with a mom as she convinced her children to pack because they needed to leave her abusive husband. The kids were crying, the mom was trying to hold back tears, the husband was yelling and telling the kids their mom was crazy. It was awful. Normally the calls I get are from women either planning to leave later or already on the side of the road. I've never been in on the process of actually leaving. Perhaps that's odd since I've been at my job nearly a year. Anyway, this one really shook me down. I was a mess.

I went home and put in an episode of Friends. Watching my favorite tv show always cheers me up. I journaled for a while, prayed some, listened to music, did some yoga, and was finally able to sleep. Yes friends, I ran the whole gammit before I was able to crash!

Thankfully I'll be able to see some friends tomorrow after work, and Thursday night as well. That always makes everything better. :)

Kookaburra!

2009-02-03T22:10:00.000-05:00

This is a Kookaburra:

This is a Sim having a manic episode.

Today I learned about Thorazine. This is an anti-psychotic drug the administer in the form of a shot. In movies about mental health patients, sometimes a large orderly gives a shot to a frantic patient during a manic episode. That shot is most likely Thorazine.

We had a client who had just been given this shot. Side effects include nausea. Let me tell ya.

But thankfully, as previously stated, vomit does not phase me.

celebrations

2009-02-02T04:53:00.006-05:00

Today is Groundhog Day, my friend Bethany's birthday, and the Catholic/Orthodox Christian celebration of Candlemas. In order to celebrate all of these occasions, I offer you a quote concerning each.

"Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today." - radio DJ in the Bill Murry film, Groudhog Day

"We have threeee people!" - my friend Heather speaking very loudly to the waiter when we took Bethany out for her birthday several years ago

"Down with the rosemary, and so
Down with the bays and mistletoe;
Down with the holly, ivy, all,
Wherewith ye dress'd the Christmas Hall"
— Robert Herrick (1591–1674), "Ceremony upon Candlemas Eve"

P.S.

My "New Thing of the Day" was learning about Candlemas. Apparently this is the Holy Day celebrating the presentation of Jesus in the temple. Sort of like the anniversary of his christening. I wonder if he had godparents? Did they use holy water? What on earth happened? Weird to think about...

It also used to be the day people took down their Christmas decorations. Can you imagine? The only people who still have them up are Gretchen Wilson fans!

Oh yes, it's 80's night, and the feelin's right!

2009-01-31T11:32:00.000-05:00

Last night my friend Allie and I decided to turn on Cindy Lauper, tease our hair, break out the leggings, and celebrate the 80's! This included a showing of my all time favorite movie, The Wedding Singer. It also included a late night trip to Meijer in all our socks-and-heels glory. There are photos, which I hope to get hold of soon.

25 Random Facts About Me

2009-01-30T02:17:00.002-05:00

1. Whenever I was sick as a child, I watched The Sound of Music because it was the longest movie we had. My mom also had me drink apple juice. Therefore...

2. I hate apple juice because it reminds me of being sick.

3. I pronounce a few words incorrectly, but I'm well aware of this. I say costume (kost-youm) and jewelry (jew-la-ry).

4. I also use some different words for things, such as "cutlery" for silverware, "eaves troughs" for gutters, and "colander" for strainer. I attribute this to my mom's side of the family being Canadian.

5. I recently realized that I've never read anything by John Steinbeck! So I'm reading "Of Mice & Men".

6. When I was a kid I really enjoyed playing with a tape recorder. I would make up stories and interview friends and family. Sometimes I even pretended I was on the radio. I still have a couple of these tapes!

7. I hate being alone for more than a few hours at a time. I'd much prefer hanging out with someone, even if we're doing absolutely nothing.

8. I needed an oil change 7000 miles ago...I hope my car doesn't explode...

9. I really do like my job, despite my constant ranting.

10. I don't usually buy groceries. I eat fruit or cereal at work and I got out with friends once in a while. I need to be more healthy...

11. I don't think comics who impersonate celebrities are funny at all.

12. I never had pets growing up.

13. From 5th grade until about 9th grade, I went by the nickname Ed. I'm pretty sure only a few of my current friends know that.

14. I wish I'd been more outgoing in high school. I missed out on being friends with a lot of really awesome people.

15. I didn't raise my hand in class from 3rd grade until junior year of college. I think something must have happened that made me scared I'd be made fun of, but I can't remember.

16. I started writing an autobiographical novel once. It was titled, "George, the Drum Major, and Madame Gina", symbolic of formative people in my life. I have about 10 pages, but it was saved on an A:/ floppy disk.

17. I have never had a good Valentine's day. But I do have some good bad Valentine's day stories!

18. I think the cutest thing in the world is a baby wearing a bear hat. Don't judge me.

19. I wanted to be a writer, but in school they taught the editing process so slowly that I got bored with it and changed me mind.

20. I really hate high heels. I know they make your posture better. I know they make you look hot. But I've never found a comfortable pair. I take them off at the end of the day and feel nearly lame. The real definition of lame.

21. Niether blood nor vomit bother me.

22. Until about a year ago, I used to change my interests based on who I was trying to impress.

23. The only promise I ever made myself which I've never broken: I will never start smoking. I've tried it, but I've never purchased cigarettes, and I never will.

24. I'm only scared of two things: dead bodies and making unsolicited calls. Both actually make me physically ill. I had to get data by phone for a stats class, and I got up and went to the restroom after every call I made. Also, I shake at funerals.

25. I currently have one pair of pants that fits. The rest are too big.

A Historical Nugget

2009-01-29T06:44:00.002-05:00

This is George Washington Carver. Carver's work resulted in the creation of 325 products from peanuts, more than 100 products from sweet potatoes and hundreds more from a dozen other plants native to the South. He had nothing to do with the recent salmonella peanut product scare.

Hot Mess of Snow!

2009-01-28T12:11:00.007-05:00

Indianapolis got a foot of snow today! I don't have cool pictures like my friend Kiel, but I do have some interesting stories.

While some people stayed home from work, I braved my way in. Granted, the majority of the snow fell while I was actually at work. But let me tell you, the drive home was not pretty. I got stuck two separate times! Once I was turning a corner and my car slid into a snowbank. I got out and used my snow brush to dig out my tires. Suddenly, a man and woman in a huge pick-up hollered at me, asking if I needed help. These random strangers tied a rope to my bumper and pulled my car back onto the street. No idea who they were. Thank you, whomever you are!

The second time my car got stuck, I was turning onto the street by my building. I should've known better than to go down this road; I could see it hadn't been plowed well. But I went. And I got super stuck. As I was rocking back and forth between drive and reverse, one of my neighbors approached. I didn't recognize him at first because he had his hood pulled up and he was covered in snow from unearthing his car. But he got behind my car and pushed. Then three other strangers who had been clearing off their cars joined him! A bookish scenester walking down the street offered his snow shovel, "do you need my shovel? I just bought it!" and a sweaty Hispanic man told me, "put him in number 2 drive!" so I did. They got me out, but I couldn't risk stopping to thank them. I knew that would just get me stuck again.

So thank you, random neighbors and strangers! Warriors of snow removal and car-unsticking, I salute you!

Fierce Creatures

2009-01-27T23:12:00.001-05:00

I can't believe I hadn't seen this movie! When this movie came out (1997) I was going through this phase where I thought Monty Python was the funniest thing in the world. John Cleese and Michael Palin are both in this film, but somehow I missed it!

Fierce Creatures has plenty of hiding in closets, Freudian slip lines, and double entendres. These, as we all know, are the perfect elements for a classic farce. Well done!

Talkin' 'bout all them filling stations, man

2009-01-26T22:24:00.006-05:00

Today I discovered that Max & Erma's has fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. They come on a cookie sheet. Oh man.

In other news, the kitchen guy is sitting on the front desk, talking crazy about, "it's gonna get rough out there, man. Don't know how that man done messed up the U-nited States man. His daddy couldn't get it and now he couldn't get it, don't nobody want it. All them filling stations. That messed me up. My mom's boss talkin' 'bout he goin' to the spa. Workin' on that body. You do that when you leave here? I ain't tryin' to hear that. Talkin' about goin' to YMCA, he and his wife try to get they body together. Pick up some of these boxes! We help you out real quick. Talking about get they body together. Do some work, man."

Sometimes I love being here. :)

Cartoon me

2009-01-25T17:46:00.002-05:00

Today I created a cartoon version of myself! Spent way too much time working on it. But it is truely awesome, as am I.

Then I made my co-worker, Ms. Mae.

You try, and post it as a comment here!

Ten items or less lane

2009-01-23T13:26:00.001-05:00

You’re in the ten items or less lane. The cashier is in training.
That lady in front of you has a gift card,
but the kid doesn’t know how to ring it, so
he calls the manager, who also doesn’t know how to ring it.

You thought it would be so easy to run in and back out, but
that lady in front of you is suspending your transaction,
and there’s nothing you can do.
Why doesn’t the manager open another lane?

You have to wait
with your soles getting sticky from
that lady’s Diet Dr. Pepper.
Even though you have obligations, responsibility.

You are standing in line, staring at those stupid magazines
that are making you feel like shit because
Brad and Angelina are all fairy-tale-happy, but you’re not.
Neither are you worried about the latest facelift or the best recipe for chicken salad.

But you have to look at those covers because
that lady in front of you won’t charge it.
She insists on using her gift card because
it was given to her and she feels compelled to spend it.

Illogical forces beyond your control:
Everyone else has made irresponsible decisions,
but they affect you directly as you stand in line
holding your pack of gum and your bottle of booze

in the 10 items or less lane.

Kat Erickson
Allie Burbrink

Battery in the DV shelter

2009-01-22T23:25:00.003-05:00

Today I saw a woman escorted out of the domestic violence shelter where I work. Why was this client exited? She attacked another client with her cheap French tips, leaving six inch gashes on the woman's neck and face. Staff had to pull her off of her! Now she's in jail with a battery charge, and her children where taken by the Department of Child Services.

Not too smart.

Why do they burn their bridges? As my co-worker put it, "Don't nobody wanna help you when you being all skanky-ass mean and nasty. Girl, boo!"

Avoiding Salad-a-Rama in the Land of Women's Ministries

2009-01-21T22:44:00.012-05:00

My woodworking class got canceled due to lack of interest. So I signed up for a women's Bible study. It took me some hard thinking before I decided to take this plunge. Let me explain my experience with women's Bible studies...

I grew up in a hometown, Evangelical, conservative, exclusive-as-a-country-club kind of church. There were lots of social rules at this church. Certain people sat in certain places during the service each week. The china in the kitchen had to be put away just so. Only a select few members could participate on committees (all of which were perpetually bent out of shape). My parents know more about this church politics stuff that I do. I was just a kid, so I only noticed what I noticed.

Over the years, my mom was part of several women's Bible study groups at this church. These groups always had the same dynamic. A group of conservative, long-married women would get together weekly to have vapid conversations about their children's activities and how peachy keen God was. And they made salads, which they exchanged. They even had a salad fundraiser every year, called Salad-a-Rama. They sold tickets to the community. You paid to go eat lots of different kinds of salads. Tickets sold quickly.

I have spent much of my life trying not to be a "Salad-a-Rama Lady". I never want anyone to think of me as surfacey, fake or addicted to rules. So what possessed me to take this class?

I was talking to a friend of mine a while ago and I mentioned that I haven't known many strong women who are also strong Christians (many of them were "Salad-a-Rama Ladies"). I do have a handful of friends who believe and feel the same way I do, but we no longer live close to one another. I crave being around these strong women, especially at this time in my life. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to take some direction, and last year several of my close relationships fell apart. I need some support, some guidance.

So today I joined a women's group at a church that doesn't have Salad-a-Rama.

Obama Mania's Height!

2009-01-20T23:35:00.000-05:00

Today I heard every detail of the Obama Inaguration. We leave the tv on all night at work, so we hear the news over and over. So I heard about the speech, the oath of office, the parade, the balls, the size of the bow on Aretha's hat, the song Beyonce sang for the inagural first dance, the celebrations worldwide, the paraphenalia for sale, the millions of people on the mall, the shortage of port-o-pottys, blah blah blah!

I love our new president's ideas. I love his character. I'm excited about the years to come with him at the head of our country. But I'm tired of the hype. Perhaps it will die down soon.

Or I could just turn off the tv.

New tunes

2009-01-19T21:26:00.005-05:00

Today the illness persisted, though I'm feeling better little by little. So I spent a lot of time with Pandora and my bed.

I've been a fan of acoustic, piano-based folk-rock for years. Ah, but thanks to this music genome project I now realize I have barely scratched the surface of the genre! Today I heard Camera Obscura, Ray Lamontagne, Emiliana Torrini, and Michelle Featherstone. LOVE!!!

I have nothing more to say, you just need to listen. :)

Diary of a Mad Black Woman

2009-01-18T22:29:00.005-05:00

Today I was still sick, so I decided that watching a movie I've never seen would be my new thing of the day. Thankfully, "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" arrived from my Blockbuster queue.

I have to be honest; I didn't think I would get the humor. I'm about as white as chalk on a hospital bed sheet, and there's no way around that. But I was so excited when I realized I did get a lot of it! I was thrilled to see strong women characters dealing with real issues. Parts of the movie were cheesy and too good to be true, but the premise was excellent: you reap what you sow if not for the grace of God.

Professionally, I was fascinated by the accurate portrayal of the cycle of domestic abuse and baby mama drama. Men in the film seemed to have ulterior motives until you got to know their stories in depth. Children were effected by the poor decisions of their parents, but they were not a main plot feature. And a woman's journey from the bottom to the top was played out, not too quickly. I'd recommend everyone see this once.