Friends We Can't Have

Last night I spent 3 hours listening to a client in the shelter. Her primary language is French, but she speaks very good English. She had so many insightful things to say that I wanted to share some of them.

She says that everywhere she goes men hit on her, honking their horns in traffic, offering her rides, etc. She thought Americans offered strangers rides all the time, and I explained that this is not the case. I told her that she doesn't have to do anything that makes her uncomfortable and she seemed surprised but grateful. She spoke intelligently, drawing comparisons between herself and Marilyn Monroe. She says that men treat her as a sexual object even though she is very smart and would rather have good conversation about politics, law, engineering, etc. She asked me why men were only interested in having sex with her instead, and I told her that those kind of men are not worth bothering with. I'm not sure she understood me. I tried to rephrase this sentiment, but once again I think something was lost in the translation.

She explained that she is happy with her professional life but cannot bear her personal life. She has a number of "fair-weather friends" who are not being supportive of her during this difficult time. I explained that she deserves to be with people who care about her and are interested in her wellbeing. She wanted to know why women have to suffer while men can be so flippant. I reiterated that there are some quality men out there who would treat her right because she deserves this.

We talked about how it is ok to be single even though friends and family pressure us to find a man. I tried to reassure her that this is something I struggle with too, and that seemed to help more than anything. We talked about focusing on career and friendships and about doing things that make us happy. She loves learning about complex subjects (medicine, law, economics, etc.) and wants to find friends with whom she can discuss these subjects.

If this woman wasn't a client, I'm certain we would be fast friends. It's kind of frustrating that she and I are both looking for intelligent honest friends, but we cannot be friends. That's such an interesting catch 22.