One Year Later

I find it emotionally tumultuous to get excited about the future. I don't want to bank on anything because nothing ever turns out the way we expect it to. But something I've learned lately is that when I'm waiting, God is waiting too. There's always a good reason that what I hope for cannot happen right now. More often than not, someone involved is not ready yet. Only God knows the optimal order of events. (i.e. if I had never met Aaron, I wouldn't have met Betsy, and I would not have this job) I cannot rush anything because I cannot skip any steps in the process. I would end up in a completely different place.

Here's the other thing. If my worst fears are realized, (i.e. I never advance in my career and I wander the planet alone) then everything will be alright. Because in the big picture, it doesn't matter; God will take care of me. It's not all about what would make me the most comfortable, it's about what would do the most good. Not that I should be the martyr. No, it takes a strong woman to put others before herself. It drives me crazy, but I know I need to suck it up and serve my clients the best I can. So no matter how much shit I have to take, in the grand scheme of things, this is temporary.

It's an interesting balance to find between feminism and collectivism. If I wasn't so tired I'm sure I'd have more to say about that. Or more to pontificate about.