Anti-Salad-a-Rama

In my women's group this week I realized something important.  These women are gritty!  They’ve been through divorces, their children’s serious illnesses, and all kinds of issues with their parents.  This is exactly the opposite of Salad-a-Rama.

Today one of our members was served divorce papers.  She and her husband have been separated for several months because he was abusive.  Three weeks ago she asked him to leave because she discovered he’d been having an affair.  He promptly moved in with his girlfriend.  Now he’s taken her car, her son’s car, and is refusing to pay the utilities on their house.  She’s in serious jeopardy of having her electricity turned off.  She said she’s been drinking wine by the bottle and listening to hard 1970s rock turned up a high as her stereo will go.  I can really relate!

When Aaron left me, we weren’t married or even really living together.  But I had  a few breakdowns.  I drank so much, and I listened to emotional train wreck music like it was my job.  I screamed…I wept…I lay in bed.  I really hurt in ways I didn’t remember I could.

I’d been through breakups before, even a VERY nasty one right at the beginning of college.  It was the incendiary end of an abusive relationship and I had cut off most of my support systems.  I don’t want to get into it right now, but suffice it to say, that was absolutely the worst time in my life, hands down no question.  But it was formative, and I am who I am because I survived it. 

But the difference between that time and with Aaron was that with Aaron I knew we weren’t supposed to be together anymore.  With the other I was young and naïve.  I thought he was the only person in the world for me, which meant I had to settle.  I THANK GOD that wasn’t true!  And I know it wasn’t Aaron either, I was just more willing to accept it by that point in my life.

I believe that there is someone I have always been meant to be with.  And honestly, there are much bigger things to worry about than obsessing over it.  It’s been a long road, but I’ve finally been able to give it over to God.  He’s got it all worked out.

Anyway, I was very surprised that these white suburban women understood this pain, and could lift up and relate to this woman just as well as I could.  I was so thankful for…and mystified by… the lack of polite pat answers.  We’re far from that Land of Salad-a-Rama, and I’m happy to lay down my fork.