Sometimes I get overwhelmingly and unreasonably upset. Nothing looks good, nothing feels good, and I just feel like crying. It attacks out of nowhere and takes over my thoughts. This sadness really does feel like a cloud all around me; it blocks out my ability to feel better. Not to be over dramatic, but it feels like the colors have been sucked out of my world sometimes.
I am a reasonable, educated, intelligent person. I feel like I should know better than to feel like this. Someone once told me that we can't help the way we feel, but we can help the way we react. Ok. So I guess I just try to stay positive? Lame...
I was talking with a friend a few nights ago. I had a little too much wine and I was being a little too honest. We were raised in the same church, and as far back as I can remember we've been given the same pat answer about unhappiness. "If you're unhappy, turn to Jesus. He's the only thing in the world that will ever make you happy." This has never made sense to me, and this is what she and I were talking about that night.
According to "church logic" I should be happy. The answer for unhappiness is to be a Christian. but nobody ever addresses what to do when you've been a Christian for years...and you're unbelievably unhappy anyway. Jesus has not made me Happy.
There's only one solution I can think of. There must be something more. Something more than "more". Either that or this is as good as it gets. People say things can't make you happy, activities can't make you happy, relationships can't make you happy, etc. etc. Nothing makes sense...
Well obviously you're not loving Jesus enough... =)
ReplyDeleteListen, I'm a cynic. I've had a running conversation/argument/whatever with my wife about happiness. I'm unhappy/what's making you unhappy/I'm making you unhappy... yadda yadda...
It's my belief that happiness begins with yourself. You are who you want to be. And if you want to be happy... be happy. Take control of your life and do what makes you happy. Look around your life, focus on the the things that make you happy.
Be proactive, not reactive about your happiness.
Hey Kat,
ReplyDeleteI think one of the lies Christians believe today is that being a Christian automatically makes you happy. I’m not blaming you for believing this lie; I’m blaming the church that so often preaches this lie. A lot of people tell those who are struggling and/or going to counseling that they don’t have enough faith or that they’re not really trusting God b/c they’re struggling. The harsh reality is that being a Christian does not eliminate suffering. I think the church sometimes uses Jesus as a quick fix b/c they’re not sure how else to explain the reason for our suffering. Jesus gives us an eternal hope, but he does not take away the pain and anguish of this life. Anyways, I love you my dear, and PLEASE know that you are NOT ALONE!!!! Some verses that have helped me: 2 Corinthians 2; 1 Corinthians 4; 2 Timothy 3. Also I had to read a really good book on the topic of Christians and suffering last year, so if you’d like me to send it to you I gladly will. It’s D.A. Carson’s How Long, O Lord? I’m also reading a great one right now by Beth Moore, called Believing God and I highly recommend it!
Love you!
Juice
"I forget to do laundry until I have to wash underwear in the sink" This is why we love you, Kat, haha.
ReplyDeleteAnother old comment... dude, I ALWAYS feel GUILTY about recycling because I feel like I'm stealing from the homeless. I just can't help it, though! Conundrum! Thanks for affirming this irrational belief within me - I thought I was alone!
Dude, it DOES suck when we're unhappy Christians, 'cause it always feels like we must be doing something wrong. You're not alone, though. It happens... and it doesn't necessarily mean you don't love Jesus or that He doesn't love you. Keep on trucking on, keep asking Him for help and cuss Him out, too. He wants to hear the good and the bad from you.
I am pretty sure that I never told you that if you want to be happy to turn to Jesus. Maybe I did, and I am misremembering. If I did, it was because I was paid to. Sorry. If you want to be happy, it might be best to run from Jesus, actually. If you want grace, which is so much different than happiness, you turn to Jesus... I don't think Jesus spent much of his life walking around thinking to himself: Oh, I am so happy. He seemed to be more thinking: How can I make this world better? How can I help people understand me? How can I help them understand how wrong their religion has become?
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you and I really do want to get together with you guys. Really. I couldn't make it to the equinox thingy because it was Becky's birthday, but I would love it if we could try another weekend.